Self Weaning

Many times I have been asked by well meaning relatives "So when are you going to wean your son?" I always reply "I am going to let him self wean". It sounds really simple right? You would think that there would be no heart ache and conflict when you let the child decide to wean on his own but sadly, for me this was not the case. My son is now a year old and he has a very good grasp of how to feed himself and how to drink from a sippy cup. I have no worries about his nutrition. I thought he would wean somewhere around 18 months or so. It came so much sooner then I would have liked.

At around 11 months he started to lose interest. Then after his first birthday I realized that he could not care less if I nursed him at all. One day I went to nurse him and he really was not interested. I told myself "Well, maybe it is phase. He will be more interested tomorrow" Wrong again. It went on like that for a week until I realized, my son did not need my milk anymore. I can not even explain how strange it is that my breasts are back to being just decorative. I am one of those people that likes to feel useful and so it was wonderful that for a while my son really needed me. Now I feel replaceable. I did not feel any of the relief that other moms had described feeling. My husband was really wonderfully supportive. He let me cry on his shoulder and told me that no one can replace me in my sons life. He made me feel much better but sometimes I still get choked up about it.

Then one day my son bumped his head on something and started crying. I picked him up like moms do and held him to chest. He put his head on my shoulder and stopped crying. Now this may seem normal for most kids but my son has never been a snuggler. He always squirms out of my arms when I go in for a kiss or a hug but this time he was snuggling me! Then I remembered how it felt to be held by my mom when I was sad. I always loved being in her arms. It was then that I really understood that a mother really can't be replaced. What a relief!